The courage of the Life, Delicately Balanced.


It is harder for us to see the hidden pain, the physical disabilities, and ailments are easily noticed.

Personal courage is almost always ambiguous.

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Bravery and courage can be seen at every turn, if we are looking.

Courage may be moving on alone, to protect those left behind, and living with the pain of a decision made.

Bravery may be waking up every morning with thrashing reality of love lost.

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Courage is stepping away from abuse to persevere.

Bravery is the strength to walk away — not toward anything, no where to go, no one to go to, just away.

Courage is endurance, to live; in the fog of reality.

Bravery is stepping back in to bring love home.

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Courage is facing that demon head on.

Bravery is knowing he is just around the corner.

This kind of courage is rarely impulsive. Nor does it emerge from nowhere.

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Whether you have survived a trauma or not, the psyche is still a dark forest of scars and tender spots. Each relationship is intricacy piled upon intricacy, fertile ground for misunderstanding, separation, perseverance, reunion and joy.

My life was:  Stay focused on staying busy.

I survive as I always have…I survived by keeping my emotions in check – by maintaining my composure and tucking it all away. I managed to stay under the radar, skating through without anyone truly remembering I was here….oh, to stand out would have been unthinkable. Life in my world, was designed to stay busy, less time to dwell…You can’t control what you, are not responsible for…so you carry on, life carries on. I guess you just don’t pay attention. I think you’re too busy attempting to fade…until one day, you realize; I don’t need to hide, I don’t need to keep my head down. I have survived!

My husband and children are awesome; my life full of hope and love.

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A life clearly marked with moments of struggle and overcoming.

Courage, determination, pride…that’s what little girls are made of.

Joy!

Be well,

Jess

Complication is an Understatement


It has been quite a summer, I don’t feel as though I am any further ahead than when I began.

I do suppose, our crazy, busy, complicated lives are very different, though much the same.

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We try to keep it simple; life is a lot.

A lot of dreams. A lot of work. A lot of family and friends. A lot of expectations and a lot responsibilities.

Inevitably there is a lot of juggling.

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The juggling game changes from time to time, it moves from juggling your own needs with the needs of sick family member; their needs take momentary precedence.

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The juggling changes when a loved one enters your life anew. You welcome the ball changes.

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Life is never enough.

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Never enough time.

It flies by, try as  you might to capture it, holding it close so that it doesn’t slip through your fingers…then it’s gone.

Years pass, you hardly notice.

Wish as you might, they are gone.

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Never enough energy. There is always one more task to be completed.

Just when you think you’ve reached capacity, another undertaking manifests. You find a new spark.

You do.

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Would it be conjecture to say you feel the same?

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Accomplishing more than you ever thought possible.

Daring to dream of that which should be unattainable.

Be well,

Jess

 

 

Rocket Surgery


Do you ever say things, but they didn’t come out exactly as you had planned? One of my daughters, Jenn (actually both) did often as a child, she mixed 2 sayings into one – often. Rocket surgery was but one; still makes me chuckle.

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Usually used when I was helping with math homework. “It’s not rocket surgery, Momma”;. Immediately followed by, “When will Daddy be home”?

 

My other daughter, Juli; well,  if she didn’t know the words, she would just make up her own.  Once she officiated a marriage, she “married” my husband and I, at age 4. Complete with a gown she hand crafted, a very creative soul she is.

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It went something like this:

Howie, do you take Jessica to be your awfully bledded wife? As long as she lives.

Precious she was. (still is)

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When our youngest was born, she was certain we should watch her “extension cord” carefully. Always the caring sister.

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Juli & Jenn

As I was driving home from the dental hygiene clinic today (Jenn is a student hygienist), I was thinking how fast she has grown; and how funny she was as a child, though she was sure she wasn’t funny at all. She would try to memorize jokes, from the elephant joke book bought at the school book sale, in  an effort to be as funny as her older siblings.

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Juli was a natural princess actress and wasn’t about to lose her crown, she didn’t find Jenn amusing most days…on the other hand, Juli’s rendition of Marilyn Monroe’s ‘Happy Birthday, Mr. President ‘ was a hard act to follow.

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Aah, the memories they provided.

Be well,

Jess

 

 

A day much like any other.


Sweet and simple.

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..through the windshield                                                   

We all get that feeling of restlessness from time to time, don’t we? I usually share photos of my pastures and gardens.

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…Buskirk Bridge

Today I was bored with those (photos). I mean, I spend every day here and feel like I have exhausted my favorites, and its a bit brown yet.

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…last summer

It is a beautiful area, so let’s venture over the west hills. Awe, com’on it’ll be fun. It’s not far, minutes really.

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…summer fields – ’14

The scenery there is pastoral and inspiring ~ natural.

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…waiting hay

Whether the sky, the hills, or the fields this farmland always make my heart flutter.

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…Pittstown

Whenever I experience something whilst driving, or maybe just during my everyday errands, I must  capture it; the words will come later. That’s how it works with me, image – then words. I strive to improve both.

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…llama and goat dinner

Sometimes I capture memories, sometimes, I simply capture the way I see the world. Sweet and simple.

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…Hey, Shelby, how did you get in here?

Be well,
Jess

Maundy Thursday.


In the Roman Catholic Church, Lent officially ends at sundown on Holy Thursday (Maundy Thursday), with the beginning of the mass of the Lord’s Supper.

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The period of forty fast days and Sundays before Easter are known as Lent.  For penance this year I chose to give up Facebook. Sounds strange doesn’t it? Shouldn’t I have given up sweets, or beer ( i don’t drink beer, so that would be too easy). I chose not to forego desserts, I had fasted from them for 3 months, as I prayed for my niece’s health, healing and peace. I had become accustomed to being with out sugar. I thought I had better choose another vice, one that I spent far too much productive time viewing.

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It wasn’t easy at first. My thumb would find itself hovering over the icon on my phone, or iPad  far too easily almost instinctively. It was a hard habit to break.

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My (few and far between) twitter posts found their way to my page, as did my Pinterest activity. I saw the increasing number of posts waiting to be read; tempting just one quick click.

I did (I admit) check once or twice, on my Sister Gina’s post…just to be sure of her.

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Here I am, facing the end of Lent and hoping I don’t fall back into the pattern of wasted time.

Be well, Take the light of the Lord with you wherever you go.

Jess

Butterflies and Ruby


Why do I associate Ruby with butterflies? I’m not real sure, to be honest.

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It may be that at the time she was born my beautiful niece Courtney was terribly ill. Butterflies and babies are hope. Oh, and she was a marvelous baby, with a sweet, spunky demeanor. A face you immediately fall in love with.

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I tend, as you do, to find beauty in things I love. Photographing these things is only natural; capturing the simple things in our lives, where we go and where we’ve been.

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It may be that butterflies are a lesson of letting go, their beauty is only with us for a short time. As was our beautiful Courtney. Her beauty, deep within, touching every facet of our lives. She became our glue. She kept our hearts close, our spirits yearning for one more minute.

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Courtney, with butterfly’s wings will fly gracefully and beautifully; a gentle dance on the breeze, from flower to flower.

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“I like living, I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.” ~ Agatha Christie

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Be well,

Jess